Self Sex Techniques
1. Dressed as James Grim on a merry-go-round. Bring whiskey for lubrication.

2. This is more of a timing thing than a technique, but it's always more fun after dancing until the only thing left to do is make love to somebody, even if it is yourself (use both hands for better results).

3. In front of your favourite band to show your appreciation. Be polite: ask if they would like to join you.

4. On the bar — this way you'll get the staff's attention and won’t have to wait in those damnably drear queues. Make sure to tip your bartender.

5. In the taxi on the way home — give the driver a story to tell when he finishes his shift. Once again, make sure that you ask if they'd like to join in and to tip appropriately.

Gay Paris will join James Grim’s Brother Grim & the Blue Murders for the Drunken Moon Festival at the Hi-Fi Saturday September 29.